(Bride's Speech)
Dear persons here present, I’d just like to say
A few words to my husband on our Wedding Day.
James, you look gorgeous, you’ve scrubbed up just fine,
And the best of it all is that now you’re all mine!
I remember the moment when first our eyes’ met.
It wasn’t at work, or as part of a bet,
The Earth didn’t shake, that was far from the case:
You were sat in a corner, stuffing your face!
But still, I know now, something happened that day,
(And I know that you peeped up my dress by the way!)
At my cousin Rosie’s, the first spark was lit,
‘Though, of course, it was not something I could admit.
And then, some time later, at last unattached,
Our paths crossed again, and we knew we were ‘matched’.
While strutting our stuff down at Breakers that night,
We kissed, our lips met, and ‘Oh boy!’ it felt right!
Then, you remember, I played ‘hard-to-get?’’
When you asked for a date, it was, ‘No, I can’t yet!
I’m terribly busy, I’ve so much to do!
My diary’s full-up, I can’t find time for you!’
I lasted three weeks… then I sighed, said ‘OK’
And I walked to the Pub thinking, ‘What will I say?’
But I needn’t have worried, because you weren’t there!
So I sat, and got drunk, thinking you didn’t care.
One whole hour later, I lurched up to go,
Feeling pretty upset by my case of, ‘No Show’,
And that was the moment you chose to stroll in,
You had fallen asleep! An ‘Original Sin!’
From that second, the third day of June 0-0-4.
My fate has been sealed. I could not want for more.
Seems now everyone loves you, and that includes me,
You’re so handsome and charming, and kind as can be!
But I know much more now, than I did way back then.
As a child, it turns out you liked acting ‘Bin Men’.
So as soon as you brothers were safely in school,
You played emptying bins, with Mum Val as a rule!
I’ve also been told by your family and friends
That rubbish and Bin Men are not where it ends.
It seems, for a while you were part of a band,
How Cowell missed you I can’t understand!
And what’s this I hear about you when in Wales?
A lady called Petra put wind in your sails?
She even went topless so you were in heaven?
But I’ll let you off ‘cause you were only seven!
One passion’s still with you – The Beautiful Game.
Playing for ‘Old Boys’, you’re toying with fame!
Should Liverpool ever be part of your life,
Yours Truely could end up a Footballer’s Wife!
Just think of the sparks that would fly with my Dad!
He’d never forgive you. He’d go Man U mad!
Though you’re very persuasive, I think in this case,
It’s you who’d end up with the egg on your face!
But Liz would still dance by your side I dare say,
Put on Dolly Parton, she’d boogie away!
My sis’ loves to party, her fave’s 9 to 5,
When she jumps to her feet, feel the room come alive!
There’s one special moment that’s magic to me.
It’s when you proposed, out in Greece, by the sea.
Seems like Captain Corelli himself strummed a tune,
As we kissed by the light of the silvery moon.
Now back here in Greece, with you sat by my side,
I just want to say, I’m the happiest bride!
I know that together no mountain’s too high.
So start climbing my darling, and reach for the sky!
